They are gone.

When we lose someone or something; we obviously go through a period of bereavements and sorrow over it. I am talking about loss in many ways; due to death, break up, growing apart, theft, rejection, being dismissed…

So we go through the dark time of missing this person/thing, wanting to go back in time and prevent them/it from leaving, feeling lost without them/it, trying to accept the loss but failing to – and just walking around with this heaviness of not having what we so desperately yearn for, but cannot bring back. And then that becomes your everyday state; that you shuffle thoughts of this thing/person and it drives you into a melancholic mood where all you do is hurt.

At first it’s okay because yes of course you’ve just lost something/someone that’s so dear. But I’ve noticed that after some time even you get tired of the melancholy and the hurt; that’s when you realise that maybe after losing this thing/person, you made friends with grief instead. So since you couldn’t have it/them; you held on to and found comfort in grief; because grief gave you an avenue to still be connected to the essence of this thing/person by allowing you to be sad ABOUT them, to question THEIR departure, to remember moments with them/it and smile then immediately shed a tear. So you almost get comfortable in grief because while you can’t be with the person/thing currently; you can coexist with their old existence wherein they said/did certain things, and in your mind you can converse/confront it/them in respect to their past words/actions.

I realised that when you do wake up and look at why you are still grieving, you realise that maybe I’m grieving because I actually want to; because I can still have a sense of connection the thing/person… and then it becomes a task of not just letting go of the thing/person lost, but of letting go of our new friend – grief – too… because you realise that maybe ‘grief’ isn’t allowing you to accept that this thing/ person will never answer these questions that you have and that they are never coming back to you… they are gone.