I'm actually a good Auditor.

“ I’m actually such a good auditor!” I burst into that- not out of excitement but out of frustration. I sit here day and night fighting through queries on queries, review comments on comments; and I get so lost in all of that and feel like I’m not measuring up.

So I was looking at the response that the client gave to my query- a query that we’ve bounced back and forth probably more than 6 times- and I was just so deflated… I am chasing deadline on deadline and trying to close off, but the client’s responses are like talking to a clueless adolescent because after I sent them a paragraph explaining what was wrong with the support that they had cumulatively previously provided and spent the time laying it out it layman terms – how is their response, “see invoice attached” yet what is attached is the exact same support I previously had issues with and all the questions I had carefully articulated have not even been attempted to be explained…

I felt my entire insides deflate as though a balloon releasing all the helium that held it up – because I just do not understand how adults that understand what we are all trying to achieve can totally disregard what I am asking for and just give me dismissive feedback? Audit in itself is challenging – not in terms of intelligence- but in the context of achieving the balancing act between all the multiple pieces of quality, people, deadlines etc all while having to fit it all in an unrealistic timeline – but the client does not make it in the slightest bit bearable… The client almost feels like they are working against you and for lack of better vocabulary – ‘screwing you over’.

So I looked at the basically non-support provided by the client and thought to myself: this has nothing to do with me, I did my job – I applied professional skepticism, I made inquiry upon inquiry and did not accept mediocre explanations… yet why do I feel like (again for lack of better vocabulary) ‘shit’?! That’s when I burst out with all that frustration, wanting to scream- but released a pained “I’m actually such a good auditor!!” And it’s weird for me to say that about myself – least of all so loudly- because being stuck in this loop of  ‘I’m not done yet’ every single day between all the tasks, calls, comments, admin, trainings etc that we have to do – that never left a gap for me to identify, and least of all, own the fact that I am perhaps doing something, somewhere, somehow right – even if it may be small and maybe I may be messing up in some parts – somewhere in there are also some things I’m doing right.

#JustAthought.