Make Room.

We talk a lot about the fact that we should not lose ourselves in a relationship, specifically that ‘you should not change the person that you are for someone else’.

While this is true, we all know the old saying that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. I would argue that it may have become the case with the narrative of ‘not changing yourself for someone else’- because we emphasize on that so much, that we do not acknowledge the fact that the expression was meant to deter people from PRETENDING to be who they aren’t as opposed to GROWING who they are.

What I mean is that we need to recognise the gravity of what it means to bring someone into our lives. If I bring someone into my life, I need to recognise that this is a whole other being, with their own thoughts, mannerisms and preferences. Bringing them into my space therefor means that it is inevitable that some adjustments will need to be made.

Just because I ask you to speak to me in a certain way, does not mean that I want you to change who you are- it just means you need to adjust a little to accommodate the person that you’ve invited into your space; The essence of who you are is that perhaps there are certain things you’d like to say and I’m not asking you to change what you want to say; I am asking you to change how you deliver it… that to me is an adjustment, not a fundamental alteration of the essence of who you are.

We have to tread carefully around ‘I won’t change who I am’ because it can easily be a weapon to mask our pride and insensitivity all in the name of ‘well this is who I am’… because it is so rude to bring me into your space and not accommodate me, in the same manner that it is rude to invite a guest into your home and totally disregard them.

If you invite me into your space, make room for me – accommodate me.